I was out and about the other day when I bumped into someone I knew and I asked her how she was doing. She said, "the last month has been a tough one." She had two deaths in her family, one of them being her sister - she lost her battle with leukemia. And as I continue to speak with her, I notice her upbeat tone and her outlook on this situation is different than what I would have expected. She doesn't know about my Dad, HCM and/or the families we help or the stories I come across so as she talks about losing her sister to cancer I am very interested in how she is taking all this in and how she expresses it to me. Before I started HCM I would come across so many situations like this - folks telling me their stories about cancer and they never knew about my Dad. I would just listen and try to understand their perception of it all - because it would help me understand to the point where I thought I understood.
I could tell she was struggling and shocked about her sister, but she tells me that it has really changed her outlook on life. She says you have to do the things you want to do before it's too late. Then she would look off in the distance and say the same thing again, but this time using her hands more - body language. I left that conversation thinking that losing her sister has opened up a whole new world for her and those around her - one I've been living in for quite some time.
About a week before that, we got a nomination come through from social work asking if HCM can help. A husband and wife in their early 50s with two teenage daughters, 14 and 17. The husband was diagnosed with bladder cancer in August and it was supposed to be one of those things to go and get treatment and it will all be over. Well, last month they found cancer in his lungs and now it turned into metastatic bladder cancer. As I am reading the nomination, my mind is spinning - one moment thinking about the husband, next moment thinking about the wife, thinking about the daughters - do they understand the sacrifices that may need to be made?
They needed help with some of their bills and I got up on a Saturday morning, opened up my computer and was going to print off the bills and write the checks and send in the mail. I had a few questions with some of the bills so I decided to call the wife, but she didn't answer so I left a voicemail. She returns my call later in the day and we talk. Out of everyone in this situation, she needs to stay strong - she needs to hold the family together - she needs to take care of everyone - she needs to be selfish and unselfish at the same exact times - and there may be a time when she just needs to be in a room by herself and let her emotions out. She, this person, is who amazes me.
After we sort out the bills and where the money is going, I try to break things down. She has no idea who I am or what my story is. When she called me back and I answered - I said, "how is your day going?" And she says, "well, today is a good day and I'm thankful for that." Today is a good day she says. To her that has so many meanings right now. I ask her how her daughters are doing and she tells me some of the things she has been doing to help her daughters. And I could hear it in her voice that she is one absolutely incredible woman for what she is going through. I tell her that it sounds like she is doing a wonderful job during this time to hold everyone who is important to her together. And she pauses and says thank you. She says, "you are one of the first people who has told me that and it gives me confidence." A part of me felt like I just made her day, but I understand she just made mine.
So here we have two similar scenarios but very different - we go from one person losing someone close and realizing their life could be cut short to someone who is doing everything they can to not lose someone so they keep what they have. Maybe it's a timeline, maybe it's the hand we are dealt, maybe it makes us who we are, and maybe it teaches us how to be. For whatever it is let's be mindful of our mark on this world. It's kind of one of those things quality over quantity. Who cares if your mark is big - but how did you use it?
There was a day awhile ago when I woke up and I thought to myself, 'I really don't care what I accomplish, but when I die and this is all over for me I want to leave my mark on the world so people will remember me for how I made them feel and not so much for what I did for myself.' Life may be about our accomplishments, the finish lines we cross, the higher we jump, enjoying the taste of food, traveling and "living life to the fullest." But in these perceptions within conversations, when situations are so desperate, it comes down to people and relationships - ourselves and the ones we love.
So let's put our goal sheets down for awhile and show the people in our life how we want to make them feel - and sometimes they are people we don't even know, but the process changes the world ever so slowly so that no one is ever forgotten and the rememberence is flipped around, standing tall on its feet, showing us what life really is.
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