I am moving my blog to another website and will be blogging more often from here on out! Check it out:
http://www.mikemarsteller.com/
Monday, July 9, 2012
Monday, April 9, 2012
Doylestown Duathlon - 4/7/12
It seems like the last two years I have written what I'm about to write, but this time I hope it's serious. The last time I actually felt competitive with racing was back in the beginning of 2009. In the fall of 2009 I started HCM and turned all the attention I was using for training to building HCM. I became ridiculously out of shape for a few months, then I'd get the running bug again, string together maybe 2 months worth of good running races, then stop for another couple months. I was yo yoing I guess you could say for the last 2 - 3 years and now I am finally being more consistent and normal with training.
I drove up to the race with Holly Geldhauser race morning. She just had an awesome half ironman race in San Juan a couple weeks ago so I was hoping some of her speed and toughness would rub off on me, ha! We pulled up to the race site, registered, got our stuff together in transition, socialized a bit and headed out for a warm up run. I actually felt pretty good. Start time was nearing and it was about 40 degrees but the sun was out - made it feel warmer.
Since I haven't really raced since 2009, there seemed to be a lot of new faces toeing the line. Made me feel old and nervous, ha! My running has been feeling good in training so I knew I could probably hang with the front group on the first run, or at least that is what I was hoping. My watch died the morning of the race so I just ran by feel. I started running my pace and no one was with me. I wasn't quite sure what to think, but then a few minutes in Brian Register comes up on me and puts in a little gap. He surged big time. Then Evan Daney and Thomas Edwards come up on me and I thought to myself, 'it's been awhile since I raced and maybe I should just chill out here for awhile.' So I stuck on the shoulders of Evan and Thomas. As we got a bit over half way in, Thomas dropped off and Evan and I were running shoulder to shoulder with Brian still up ahead. I never met Evan so I tried to chat it up a bit just to say good job and keep pushing the pace, etc. A bit after that we came up on a tight tight turn and Evan slipped on some gravel and went down hard. I almost stepped on him by accident, but he popped up and we kept the pace rolling good. We came in on the first run in 18:14, but the run loop was a bit long - about a quarter mile. So I think we were running about 17 or just a bit over for pace. It was a good effort.
I had a quick transition, eyes were watering and had the shakes from running hard. Forgot how that feels. My cycling hasn't been going nearly as well as my running, but I still thought I would be able to ride well. Ahh, I remember a few years ago I could get on the bike and just ride as hard as I could and it felt good. Not today. I got on the bike in 2nd place and tried to ride hard and bridge the gap to Brian, but I couldn't and it wasn't happening. I was hurting on the bike - my fitness didn't feel good, it was windy, hilly and then some. The bike course led us on 563 and I maintained 2nd place for I think what was about 8 miles of the 15 mile bike. Later in the bike I had two guys pass me and one in a later wave who was 6 min back that ended up riding faster. At the very end of the bike, Evan caught up to me. I was nervous coming off the bike how I was going to feel because my legs felt trashed from the first run and then riding hard.
I had a slow second transition. Evan beat me out of transition and I exited in 6th place. I really just wanted to run steady. My legs actually felt great - my right calf was cramping big time, but I knew if I just kept running it would go away (right now it feels like someone shot me in my leg, ha.) I was able to keep Evan in sight and hold off anyone from passing me! The second run was uneventful and I ended up running about 40 seconds slower than my first run and I was happy with that finishing 6th overall. I was also happy to cross the finish line and feel like I am well on my way to racing the way I used to a few years ago.
Holly did very well finishing 8th female and there were so many friends that crushed the course and had fantastic races. It was great to catch up with everyone!
https://www.lin-mark.com/raceresults.aspx?guid=b0690d8c-3bc1-4703-bb12-77997752f070
There is definitely something to be said for a balanced life and the older I get the more I am trying to accept it. Between real job, hcm foundation, coaching, speaking, personal life and training/racing - I'm hoping to be more balanced moving forward and keep doing the best I can in all areas.
Next up will be the good old Devilman Tri!
Later in the day we watched Moneyball and this is definitely one of the best motivational/inspirational movie clips that will get you fired up:
I drove up to the race with Holly Geldhauser race morning. She just had an awesome half ironman race in San Juan a couple weeks ago so I was hoping some of her speed and toughness would rub off on me, ha! We pulled up to the race site, registered, got our stuff together in transition, socialized a bit and headed out for a warm up run. I actually felt pretty good. Start time was nearing and it was about 40 degrees but the sun was out - made it feel warmer.
Since I haven't really raced since 2009, there seemed to be a lot of new faces toeing the line. Made me feel old and nervous, ha! My running has been feeling good in training so I knew I could probably hang with the front group on the first run, or at least that is what I was hoping. My watch died the morning of the race so I just ran by feel. I started running my pace and no one was with me. I wasn't quite sure what to think, but then a few minutes in Brian Register comes up on me and puts in a little gap. He surged big time. Then Evan Daney and Thomas Edwards come up on me and I thought to myself, 'it's been awhile since I raced and maybe I should just chill out here for awhile.' So I stuck on the shoulders of Evan and Thomas. As we got a bit over half way in, Thomas dropped off and Evan and I were running shoulder to shoulder with Brian still up ahead. I never met Evan so I tried to chat it up a bit just to say good job and keep pushing the pace, etc. A bit after that we came up on a tight tight turn and Evan slipped on some gravel and went down hard. I almost stepped on him by accident, but he popped up and we kept the pace rolling good. We came in on the first run in 18:14, but the run loop was a bit long - about a quarter mile. So I think we were running about 17 or just a bit over for pace. It was a good effort.
I had a quick transition, eyes were watering and had the shakes from running hard. Forgot how that feels. My cycling hasn't been going nearly as well as my running, but I still thought I would be able to ride well. Ahh, I remember a few years ago I could get on the bike and just ride as hard as I could and it felt good. Not today. I got on the bike in 2nd place and tried to ride hard and bridge the gap to Brian, but I couldn't and it wasn't happening. I was hurting on the bike - my fitness didn't feel good, it was windy, hilly and then some. The bike course led us on 563 and I maintained 2nd place for I think what was about 8 miles of the 15 mile bike. Later in the bike I had two guys pass me and one in a later wave who was 6 min back that ended up riding faster. At the very end of the bike, Evan caught up to me. I was nervous coming off the bike how I was going to feel because my legs felt trashed from the first run and then riding hard.
I had a slow second transition. Evan beat me out of transition and I exited in 6th place. I really just wanted to run steady. My legs actually felt great - my right calf was cramping big time, but I knew if I just kept running it would go away (right now it feels like someone shot me in my leg, ha.) I was able to keep Evan in sight and hold off anyone from passing me! The second run was uneventful and I ended up running about 40 seconds slower than my first run and I was happy with that finishing 6th overall. I was also happy to cross the finish line and feel like I am well on my way to racing the way I used to a few years ago.
Holly did very well finishing 8th female and there were so many friends that crushed the course and had fantastic races. It was great to catch up with everyone!
https://www.lin-mark.com/raceresults.aspx?guid=b0690d8c-3bc1-4703-bb12-77997752f070
There is definitely something to be said for a balanced life and the older I get the more I am trying to accept it. Between real job, hcm foundation, coaching, speaking, personal life and training/racing - I'm hoping to be more balanced moving forward and keep doing the best I can in all areas.
Next up will be the good old Devilman Tri!
Later in the day we watched Moneyball and this is definitely one of the best motivational/inspirational movie clips that will get you fired up:
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Put your goal sheet down for awhile
I was out and about the other day when I bumped into someone I knew and I asked her how she was doing. She said, "the last month has been a tough one." She had two deaths in her family, one of them being her sister - she lost her battle with leukemia. And as I continue to speak with her, I notice her upbeat tone and her outlook on this situation is different than what I would have expected. She doesn't know about my Dad, HCM and/or the families we help or the stories I come across so as she talks about losing her sister to cancer I am very interested in how she is taking all this in and how she expresses it to me. Before I started HCM I would come across so many situations like this - folks telling me their stories about cancer and they never knew about my Dad. I would just listen and try to understand their perception of it all - because it would help me understand to the point where I thought I understood.
I could tell she was struggling and shocked about her sister, but she tells me that it has really changed her outlook on life. She says you have to do the things you want to do before it's too late. Then she would look off in the distance and say the same thing again, but this time using her hands more - body language. I left that conversation thinking that losing her sister has opened up a whole new world for her and those around her - one I've been living in for quite some time.
About a week before that, we got a nomination come through from social work asking if HCM can help. A husband and wife in their early 50s with two teenage daughters, 14 and 17. The husband was diagnosed with bladder cancer in August and it was supposed to be one of those things to go and get treatment and it will all be over. Well, last month they found cancer in his lungs and now it turned into metastatic bladder cancer. As I am reading the nomination, my mind is spinning - one moment thinking about the husband, next moment thinking about the wife, thinking about the daughters - do they understand the sacrifices that may need to be made?
They needed help with some of their bills and I got up on a Saturday morning, opened up my computer and was going to print off the bills and write the checks and send in the mail. I had a few questions with some of the bills so I decided to call the wife, but she didn't answer so I left a voicemail. She returns my call later in the day and we talk. Out of everyone in this situation, she needs to stay strong - she needs to hold the family together - she needs to take care of everyone - she needs to be selfish and unselfish at the same exact times - and there may be a time when she just needs to be in a room by herself and let her emotions out. She, this person, is who amazes me.
After we sort out the bills and where the money is going, I try to break things down. She has no idea who I am or what my story is. When she called me back and I answered - I said, "how is your day going?" And she says, "well, today is a good day and I'm thankful for that." Today is a good day she says. To her that has so many meanings right now. I ask her how her daughters are doing and she tells me some of the things she has been doing to help her daughters. And I could hear it in her voice that she is one absolutely incredible woman for what she is going through. I tell her that it sounds like she is doing a wonderful job during this time to hold everyone who is important to her together. And she pauses and says thank you. She says, "you are one of the first people who has told me that and it gives me confidence." A part of me felt like I just made her day, but I understand she just made mine.
So here we have two similar scenarios but very different - we go from one person losing someone close and realizing their life could be cut short to someone who is doing everything they can to not lose someone so they keep what they have. Maybe it's a timeline, maybe it's the hand we are dealt, maybe it makes us who we are, and maybe it teaches us how to be. For whatever it is let's be mindful of our mark on this world. It's kind of one of those things quality over quantity. Who cares if your mark is big - but how did you use it?
There was a day awhile ago when I woke up and I thought to myself, 'I really don't care what I accomplish, but when I die and this is all over for me I want to leave my mark on the world so people will remember me for how I made them feel and not so much for what I did for myself.' Life may be about our accomplishments, the finish lines we cross, the higher we jump, enjoying the taste of food, traveling and "living life to the fullest." But in these perceptions within conversations, when situations are so desperate, it comes down to people and relationships - ourselves and the ones we love.
So let's put our goal sheets down for awhile and show the people in our life how we want to make them feel - and sometimes they are people we don't even know, but the process changes the world ever so slowly so that no one is ever forgotten and the rememberence is flipped around, standing tall on its feet, showing us what life really is.
I could tell she was struggling and shocked about her sister, but she tells me that it has really changed her outlook on life. She says you have to do the things you want to do before it's too late. Then she would look off in the distance and say the same thing again, but this time using her hands more - body language. I left that conversation thinking that losing her sister has opened up a whole new world for her and those around her - one I've been living in for quite some time.
About a week before that, we got a nomination come through from social work asking if HCM can help. A husband and wife in their early 50s with two teenage daughters, 14 and 17. The husband was diagnosed with bladder cancer in August and it was supposed to be one of those things to go and get treatment and it will all be over. Well, last month they found cancer in his lungs and now it turned into metastatic bladder cancer. As I am reading the nomination, my mind is spinning - one moment thinking about the husband, next moment thinking about the wife, thinking about the daughters - do they understand the sacrifices that may need to be made?
They needed help with some of their bills and I got up on a Saturday morning, opened up my computer and was going to print off the bills and write the checks and send in the mail. I had a few questions with some of the bills so I decided to call the wife, but she didn't answer so I left a voicemail. She returns my call later in the day and we talk. Out of everyone in this situation, she needs to stay strong - she needs to hold the family together - she needs to take care of everyone - she needs to be selfish and unselfish at the same exact times - and there may be a time when she just needs to be in a room by herself and let her emotions out. She, this person, is who amazes me.
After we sort out the bills and where the money is going, I try to break things down. She has no idea who I am or what my story is. When she called me back and I answered - I said, "how is your day going?" And she says, "well, today is a good day and I'm thankful for that." Today is a good day she says. To her that has so many meanings right now. I ask her how her daughters are doing and she tells me some of the things she has been doing to help her daughters. And I could hear it in her voice that she is one absolutely incredible woman for what she is going through. I tell her that it sounds like she is doing a wonderful job during this time to hold everyone who is important to her together. And she pauses and says thank you. She says, "you are one of the first people who has told me that and it gives me confidence." A part of me felt like I just made her day, but I understand she just made mine.
So here we have two similar scenarios but very different - we go from one person losing someone close and realizing their life could be cut short to someone who is doing everything they can to not lose someone so they keep what they have. Maybe it's a timeline, maybe it's the hand we are dealt, maybe it makes us who we are, and maybe it teaches us how to be. For whatever it is let's be mindful of our mark on this world. It's kind of one of those things quality over quantity. Who cares if your mark is big - but how did you use it?
There was a day awhile ago when I woke up and I thought to myself, 'I really don't care what I accomplish, but when I die and this is all over for me I want to leave my mark on the world so people will remember me for how I made them feel and not so much for what I did for myself.' Life may be about our accomplishments, the finish lines we cross, the higher we jump, enjoying the taste of food, traveling and "living life to the fullest." But in these perceptions within conversations, when situations are so desperate, it comes down to people and relationships - ourselves and the ones we love.
So let's put our goal sheets down for awhile and show the people in our life how we want to make them feel - and sometimes they are people we don't even know, but the process changes the world ever so slowly so that no one is ever forgotten and the rememberence is flipped around, standing tall on its feet, showing us what life really is.
Friday, February 24, 2012
HCM Foundation Gets a Running Start on 2012 Fundraising
A BIIIIGGG THANK YOU TO THE LEHIGH VALLEY ROAD RUNNERS FOR INCLUDING HCM FOUNDATION AS THE CHARITY PARTNER FOR THE SUPERBOWL 10K!!! CHECK OUT THIS PRESS RELEASE:
HCM Foundation Gets a Running Start on 2012 Fundraising
HCM Foundation Gets a Running Start on 2012 Fundraising
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
LAVA Magazine - Multisport Do-Gooders: Triathletes Who are Paying it Forward
LAVA Magazine recently included me in one of their articles, Multisport Do-Gooders: Triathletes Who are Paying it Forward
It showcases using our sport and our passions for the greater good of the community.
Thank you to Lisa Barnes Dolbear for writing this article :)
It showcases using our sport and our passions for the greater good of the community.
Thank you to Lisa Barnes Dolbear for writing this article :)
Thursday, September 22, 2011
I am fundraising in a different way - I am hoperaising
While operating a small charity to help families impacted with cancer is such a great thing, the big barrier I have is there are a ton of people in and out of treatment who need financial assistance with various things and there is not enough money to go around. For each patient or family nomination that comes through the door, I'd like to resolve their woes by having enough funds to completely resolve their situation rather than minimize the assistance we give because of funding. But that is a huge mountain to climb and it's most likely one I will never see to the top.
With a gazillion ideas that run through my head everyday, here is one that stuck and I'm hoping you will want to join me. I was having a conversation with my Mom last year about this time - more towards the end of October.
And I said, "you know mom I have been thinking - wouldn't it be cool if around the winter holidays we could get people to help decorate the homes of people who are really devastated by cancer. It takes so much out of people, fighting for their life that decorating for the holidays is probably the last thing on their mind, but if someone came into the home and decorated for them it could really uplift their spirit."
My Mom's reply was, "That is actually interesting you bring that up - the winter your Dad was sick, the church got us a tree from the local tree farm and brought it to the house, set it up, and decorated it for us. It was just that one thing that helped lift our spirit up - not only the decoration, but the incredible feeling of people wanting to do things for us during that time. It also allowed us to have a real Christmas with presents under the tree - that was nice since you guys were so little."
So this puts me in a certain train of thought - since funds seem to be a bit of a barrier sometimes when helping folks, what is a way HCM can help families impacted by cancer without needing money??? It may sound like a dumb question, but the answer is caps lock OBVIOUS. In talking with many of the social workers at Fox Chase Cancer Center there is such a great need for daily tasks that patients and their families encounter while battling cancer. Thing such as house cleaning, yard work, landscaping, shoveling snow (clearing the sidewalk/driveway), laundry, cooking meals, and any other essential effort that goes into being a homeowner, and of course we can throw in holiday decorating.
So this is what we are going to do - create a program within HCM that makes this happen and I want people to become a part of it. The way the process will work is HCM will build an ongoing database of volunteers who are willing to help families with such instances mentioned above. As daily task support nominations come in from our network of local social workers, we will email blast the volunteer list with a description of the help that is needed, how often the service may be needed, the demographics of the person/family, and their location. The first volunteer(s) who respond will be matched with that family. You will be able to have direct contact with the family in order to schedule a time, or HCM will arrange it for you.
I want to make more impact within our community, I want to bring people together, I want to build sustainable relationships between people. I'd like to call this program a hoperaiser (building and sustaining hope) and there are many options that will not only allow you to directly see the impact you are making, but it will enrich your life in more ways than you can even think.
If you are interested in becoming a volunteer with what is really our next grass roots initiative, please contact us by email - hcmfund@gmail.com, phone (484) 347-3993, or comment on my blog. The information we will need from you:
Name
Email
Phone
City you live
Zip code
The city and zip will give us an idea for when the nomination form comes through if we have volunteers in that area. We would like volunteers from the greater Philadelphia area, Lehigh Valley, Delaware, and New Jersey.
I want to get as many people behind this as I can because it can bring SO MUCH IMPACT! Here is a little thing I wrote to our HCM Team about a month ago and I believe it goes very well with the theme of this post and uprising initiative:
More often than not, after each family we help, I sit and ponder for hours and sometimes days. I put myself in their situations, some of which I've already lived for myself and some of them I can only try to put myself in their shoes. If it hasn't already, imagine cancer seemingly touching every aspect of your life - mentally, physically, financially, and socially.
The money the HCM Team raises together is so very important for these individuals and their families, or shall we call them our neighbors and eventually our friends. Or maybe we just go with calling them our friends right off the bat. The many people we help do not have people behind them to fall back on. The very hard truth I have come to realize is that money does only go so far. We don't have the money to save the home for this family. We don't have enough money to bring Frank, who passed away from leukemia a couple of months ago, back to life. We don't have enough money (there is no amount of money) to make a woman who can't afford breast reconstruction surgery feel like a woman again. But the courage, drive, and understanding we all have to help us find a reason within ourselves to help folks in our community who are impacted by cancer is something that will linger in the air for a very long time. A very long time. It is something that we can feel - it is something they can feel. The power of a network devoted to helping others will help give an uplifting spirit for a mother of two - help her have confidence she will be ok and be able to raise her kids while battling to get better post surgery. It will not bring Frank back to life, but when his wife is sitting alone in the hospital by herself, it gives her positive comfort to know someone has cared enough to help them. It can make a woman needing reconstruction surgery feel loved and appreciated for the wonderful person she is and will continue to be.
Please connect with me and join this effort and try to touch at least one family within the next year. Thank you so much for reading!
For folks reading this who are new to HCM Foundation, please check out our website: http://hcmfoundation.org/
With a gazillion ideas that run through my head everyday, here is one that stuck and I'm hoping you will want to join me. I was having a conversation with my Mom last year about this time - more towards the end of October.
And I said, "you know mom I have been thinking - wouldn't it be cool if around the winter holidays we could get people to help decorate the homes of people who are really devastated by cancer. It takes so much out of people, fighting for their life that decorating for the holidays is probably the last thing on their mind, but if someone came into the home and decorated for them it could really uplift their spirit."
My Mom's reply was, "That is actually interesting you bring that up - the winter your Dad was sick, the church got us a tree from the local tree farm and brought it to the house, set it up, and decorated it for us. It was just that one thing that helped lift our spirit up - not only the decoration, but the incredible feeling of people wanting to do things for us during that time. It also allowed us to have a real Christmas with presents under the tree - that was nice since you guys were so little."
So this puts me in a certain train of thought - since funds seem to be a bit of a barrier sometimes when helping folks, what is a way HCM can help families impacted by cancer without needing money??? It may sound like a dumb question, but the answer is caps lock OBVIOUS. In talking with many of the social workers at Fox Chase Cancer Center there is such a great need for daily tasks that patients and their families encounter while battling cancer. Thing such as house cleaning, yard work, landscaping, shoveling snow (clearing the sidewalk/driveway), laundry, cooking meals, and any other essential effort that goes into being a homeowner, and of course we can throw in holiday decorating.
So this is what we are going to do - create a program within HCM that makes this happen and I want people to become a part of it. The way the process will work is HCM will build an ongoing database of volunteers who are willing to help families with such instances mentioned above. As daily task support nominations come in from our network of local social workers, we will email blast the volunteer list with a description of the help that is needed, how often the service may be needed, the demographics of the person/family, and their location. The first volunteer(s) who respond will be matched with that family. You will be able to have direct contact with the family in order to schedule a time, or HCM will arrange it for you.
I want to make more impact within our community, I want to bring people together, I want to build sustainable relationships between people. I'd like to call this program a hoperaiser (building and sustaining hope) and there are many options that will not only allow you to directly see the impact you are making, but it will enrich your life in more ways than you can even think.
If you are interested in becoming a volunteer with what is really our next grass roots initiative, please contact us by email - hcmfund@gmail.com, phone (484) 347-3993, or comment on my blog. The information we will need from you:
Name
Phone
City you live
Zip code
The city and zip will give us an idea for when the nomination form comes through if we have volunteers in that area. We would like volunteers from the greater Philadelphia area, Lehigh Valley, Delaware, and New Jersey.
I want to get as many people behind this as I can because it can bring SO MUCH IMPACT! Here is a little thing I wrote to our HCM Team about a month ago and I believe it goes very well with the theme of this post and uprising initiative:
More often than not, after each family we help, I sit and ponder for hours and sometimes days. I put myself in their situations, some of which I've already lived for myself and some of them I can only try to put myself in their shoes. If it hasn't already, imagine cancer seemingly touching every aspect of your life - mentally, physically, financially, and socially.
The money the HCM Team raises together is so very important for these individuals and their families, or shall we call them our neighbors and eventually our friends. Or maybe we just go with calling them our friends right off the bat. The many people we help do not have people behind them to fall back on. The very hard truth I have come to realize is that money does only go so far. We don't have the money to save the home for this family. We don't have enough money to bring Frank, who passed away from leukemia a couple of months ago, back to life. We don't have enough money (there is no amount of money) to make a woman who can't afford breast reconstruction surgery feel like a woman again. But the courage, drive, and understanding we all have to help us find a reason within ourselves to help folks in our community who are impacted by cancer is something that will linger in the air for a very long time. A very long time. It is something that we can feel - it is something they can feel. The power of a network devoted to helping others will help give an uplifting spirit for a mother of two - help her have confidence she will be ok and be able to raise her kids while battling to get better post surgery. It will not bring Frank back to life, but when his wife is sitting alone in the hospital by herself, it gives her positive comfort to know someone has cared enough to help them. It can make a woman needing reconstruction surgery feel loved and appreciated for the wonderful person she is and will continue to be.
Please connect with me and join this effort and try to touch at least one family within the next year. Thank you so much for reading!
For folks reading this who are new to HCM Foundation, please check out our website: http://hcmfoundation.org/
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
My Dad's birthday and how life moves on
Two weeks ago I received a call Wednesday morning from the wife of a patient we have been helping. I talked about them at our Run Daddy Run event because they made a certain impression on me. They would stay at Fox Chase Cancer Center for one week at a time each month and we would help them pay for their food because they had trouble affording it while being away from home. So as I answer the call, I notice that it is the main number from Fox Chase and I thought it was going to be one of the social workers - but it wasn't. It was this patient's wife and she says, "Mike, this is (going to leave name out for privacy) and he (her husband) is not doing well. The chemo stopped working, he is too weak from the pneumonia he had, and they are trying to look for a place near our home to send him to hospice." I could tell that she was distraught. Phone calls like this always force me to sit down because I still have yet to figure out how I can help her - what can I do for her emotionally? I don't know if I will ever be able to figure that one out. I think I am still trying to figure it out for myself.
So when she calms down a bit, she says to me that they are out of food (they have about $150 left that we said we would help with) and she asked if I can get her another grocery card. I said, "well, I am going to be at Fox Chase on Friday - can you wait until then?" She says, "no Mike, is there anyway you can get it to us today?" I said, "Well I won't be able to get up there today because I have some appointments later in the day, can you wait until tomorrow?" She says, "no, is there anyone else you can send up to drop it off." I said to her, "hmmm, let me try to figure this out in the next hour and I will call you back."
I call her back in about 45 minutes (after I figure out that if I leave right now, I would have enough time to do it) and tell her I will be up at Fox Chase in about an hour and 15 minutes. When I get there, she is sitting quietly on the bench outside the cafe and as I get closer to her, she stands up, says my name and gives me a hug. We both sit back down on the bench and talk for about 25 minutes. We talk about life, death, children, grandchildren - and how life moves on. As you can see, this family continues to resonate with me....
And I continually ponder - how does life move on when we lose someone who has touched our life? Today is my Dad's birthday and I'm writing this as my thoughts come to me about how my life has moved on since. He would be 58, which means he was alive for 30 years and has been dead for 28. It gets tougher each year to say that. Soon he will be dead longer than he was alive. One thing that occurred to me about a month ago and I'm still trying to rationalize it into a good thing - when my Dad was 29 he spent the next year of his life dying of cancer. He spent that year incredibly sick, losing weight, wasting away, and I'd like to think he was wondering what kind of life my Mom, brother and I would have without him. Or maybe to make it positive - he was thinking about the life we would have with each other as we grow up. And now I'm about to be 29, spending the majority of my time trying to help families overcome their cancer. I never imagined I would have gotten myself in this position. It just kind of happened and it is too ironic when you compare me to my Dad. Same age, similar perspective, same purpose.
I remember when I was in elementary school they had us fill out those emergency cards with our parents info - I would always fill in my Mom's info and write my Dad's name but put the word deceased next to it. Most years when I had a new teacher, it would come up some time when they would ask me what happened or how old he was. And every time they would say, "wow, he was so young." When I was that young, 30 years old seemed old so his age didn't bother me! But now that I am about to turn 29, I get more perspective and really understand how young it is. Although I can't focus on the 30 years he was alive (probably because I wasn't there), I tend to focus on the other 28 and just sit and ponder....as my life moves on.
We are in the midst of helping an elderly patient pay for her chemo and when the wonderful social worker told her about HCM Foundation and the story how it started, the patient says to her daughter sitting next to her, "That is what you do when you die - you leave a legacy behind to help other people." When the social worker emailed me and told me that - I sat there and thought quietly to myself, 'that is one of the coolest things ever - it is like she is talking about my Dad as if he was still alive - alive in a sense of legacy. Legacy that has touched and helped her in a time of need.'
Maybe I am looking for anything to understand the situation and I'm stretching the rubber band too much on this one as my life moves on. I have never given my Dad a present for his birthday - I was only alive for one of them. But this year is different. My gift to him this year is not one you can buy. It's not really one you can explain. But you can definitely feel it - it is the gift of legacy that has been learned through helping others.
I still think it is crazy how much you can miss someone you never remember - and I would do absolutely anything I could to gain just one real memory - whether it would be good or bad and only if it was for a short period of time. But it will never happen.
Above I have uploaded a photo that was taken the summer my Dad died - he was 30, I was about to turn 1 and my brother was 5. I am going to go out on a limb here and say my Dad is smiling, looking down at me in this photo and thinking to himself, 'somehow one day this kid is going to learn from what I'm going through right now and figure out how to help people get through it - he'll figure out how to keep alive what little hope I have left - and grow it as it helps others.'
So when she calms down a bit, she says to me that they are out of food (they have about $150 left that we said we would help with) and she asked if I can get her another grocery card. I said, "well, I am going to be at Fox Chase on Friday - can you wait until then?" She says, "no Mike, is there anyway you can get it to us today?" I said, "Well I won't be able to get up there today because I have some appointments later in the day, can you wait until tomorrow?" She says, "no, is there anyone else you can send up to drop it off." I said to her, "hmmm, let me try to figure this out in the next hour and I will call you back."
I call her back in about 45 minutes (after I figure out that if I leave right now, I would have enough time to do it) and tell her I will be up at Fox Chase in about an hour and 15 minutes. When I get there, she is sitting quietly on the bench outside the cafe and as I get closer to her, she stands up, says my name and gives me a hug. We both sit back down on the bench and talk for about 25 minutes. We talk about life, death, children, grandchildren - and how life moves on. As you can see, this family continues to resonate with me....
And I continually ponder - how does life move on when we lose someone who has touched our life? Today is my Dad's birthday and I'm writing this as my thoughts come to me about how my life has moved on since. He would be 58, which means he was alive for 30 years and has been dead for 28. It gets tougher each year to say that. Soon he will be dead longer than he was alive. One thing that occurred to me about a month ago and I'm still trying to rationalize it into a good thing - when my Dad was 29 he spent the next year of his life dying of cancer. He spent that year incredibly sick, losing weight, wasting away, and I'd like to think he was wondering what kind of life my Mom, brother and I would have without him. Or maybe to make it positive - he was thinking about the life we would have with each other as we grow up. And now I'm about to be 29, spending the majority of my time trying to help families overcome their cancer. I never imagined I would have gotten myself in this position. It just kind of happened and it is too ironic when you compare me to my Dad. Same age, similar perspective, same purpose.
I remember when I was in elementary school they had us fill out those emergency cards with our parents info - I would always fill in my Mom's info and write my Dad's name but put the word deceased next to it. Most years when I had a new teacher, it would come up some time when they would ask me what happened or how old he was. And every time they would say, "wow, he was so young." When I was that young, 30 years old seemed old so his age didn't bother me! But now that I am about to turn 29, I get more perspective and really understand how young it is. Although I can't focus on the 30 years he was alive (probably because I wasn't there), I tend to focus on the other 28 and just sit and ponder....as my life moves on.
We are in the midst of helping an elderly patient pay for her chemo and when the wonderful social worker told her about HCM Foundation and the story how it started, the patient says to her daughter sitting next to her, "That is what you do when you die - you leave a legacy behind to help other people." When the social worker emailed me and told me that - I sat there and thought quietly to myself, 'that is one of the coolest things ever - it is like she is talking about my Dad as if he was still alive - alive in a sense of legacy. Legacy that has touched and helped her in a time of need.'
Maybe I am looking for anything to understand the situation and I'm stretching the rubber band too much on this one as my life moves on. I have never given my Dad a present for his birthday - I was only alive for one of them. But this year is different. My gift to him this year is not one you can buy. It's not really one you can explain. But you can definitely feel it - it is the gift of legacy that has been learned through helping others.
I still think it is crazy how much you can miss someone you never remember - and I would do absolutely anything I could to gain just one real memory - whether it would be good or bad and only if it was for a short period of time. But it will never happen.
Above I have uploaded a photo that was taken the summer my Dad died - he was 30, I was about to turn 1 and my brother was 5. I am going to go out on a limb here and say my Dad is smiling, looking down at me in this photo and thinking to himself, 'somehow one day this kid is going to learn from what I'm going through right now and figure out how to help people get through it - he'll figure out how to keep alive what little hope I have left - and grow it as it helps others.'
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